If you are an avid online dater, you may have heard about such terms as ghosting, gaslighting, benching, and slow-fading. Now it’s just the time to expand your knowledge, especially if you are using online dating sites or apps. Read on and discover about breadcrumbing. This term describes when someone gives just enough attention or affection to keep you hooked but never enough to move the romantic connection forward. Is it something new for you? Well, take a peek at the meaning of breadcrumbing and what it actually means for love-seekers.
What is Breadcrumbing in Dating Terms?
What is breadcrumbing in dating? We consider it from a psychological point of view. It implies a manipulative technique when a potential partner encourages you romantically, gives some tints for relationship development, and sends out flirtatious but non-committal signs that let you think that you are already a couple. Nevertheless, once you are hooked, your match slows down the dynamics of your love affairs, making it unclear whether your romantic connection has a future or not.
What about statistics and facts?
- According to the research, 30% of people who have been texting online were affected by breadcrumbing during their online dating experiences.
- Breadcrumbs during traditional dating are less common. 25% of respondents report that they have been involved in it at some point in their lives.
- Of those surveyed, 35.6% pointed out experiencing it firsthand, and 36.7% reported initiating it at least once in the previous year.
As you can see, even though the concept of breadcrumbing is relatively new, it has become more frequent during both online and offline dating ventures. While some people consider this notion rather neutral, others find it harmful. Anyway, if you are planning to become a member of a social media community or online dating site, you will need to take a deeper glimpse into the matter to understand how to respond to it.
Main Signs of Breadcrumbing
Having met someone attractive but they seem to be free from commitment in relationships? You may receive enough messages on your phone to be certain that they are still interested. Surely they would cease messaging if they did not like you? Actually, people who breadcrumb want to maintain your interest, even when they aren’t seriously inclined to create profound bonds. This is where you need to recognize the signs of breadcrumbing.
Rocky communication
Have you ever noticed an inconsistency in your texting when your potential match overloads you with messages one day and then is silent for the next couple of days or even weeks? This is one of the most prominent breadcrumbing examples. A person arouses your interest, doesn’t promise you anything, and then just disappears. After all, they may send you some more messages someday. These texts may even seem quite promising in terms of commitment. But usually, they are just fakes. Nothing more.
Unclear plans
Empty promises, unclear plans, vague suggestions — these are the red flags of being breadcrumbed. Your potential partner may build future plans and give you some ideas about your real dates, but they never focus on concrete aspects such as place and time. You might hear, “We should definitely hang out sometime,” but this offer ends at this point. Also, those who initiate breadcrumbing can mention their dreams and goals during your chats, but they never mention you in those stories.
Flirty behavior that doesn’t promise commitment
Picture this: your admirer showers you with compliments, sends flirty texts and stickers, and says “Good morning” and “Good night” every day, but shows no signs of taking your relationship to the next level. It may sound disappointing, but this is a huge red flag to pay attention to. Remember that not all playful and naughty signals mean that your prospective partner wants to go down the aisle with you. That is why it is necessary to learn to differentiate sincere words from hollow flirtations.
Indifference in texting
A person may scour through your social media posts or new photos on dating sites and even like them. Nevertheless, they don’t respond to your messages and just ignore you. After a while, they can pop up in your inbox with some photo, emoji, or sticker. This is a typical behavior of breadscumber. You should just understand that indifference in texting always means indifference during real dates. Is it worth it?
Repeating the same phrases during texting
Most likely, breadcrumbers chat with multiple people simultaneously, giving them all those empty promises and sending all those similar phrases. Even the compliments may sound the same without the intention to highlight someone’s personality traits and perks. What is the bread crumbing technique? These are phrases and sentences that aren’t filled with any sense or tint for further relationship development. If you see that your potential match is confused in their thoughts and says all the same things, consider it an alarming sign.
Why Do People Engage in It?
Aside from wasting people’s time, breadcrumbing in a relationship is rather confusing and frustrating. But people still engage in it for numerous reasons. So, what are they, actually? After analyzing numerous research works and real cases on Quora, we’ve found the main reasons behind this notion.
Attraction without the urge to commit
Many people find that the thought of committing to a relationship is too much for them. They want to flirt, but they are not emotionally or intellectually engaged enough to maintain a deeper level of engagement. Breadcrumbers chat with you because they think you are attractive — no less, no more. However, they aren’t ready to work toward a commitment.
They may relish the rush of attention and the boost to their ego that it provides, but they have no interest in pursuing things further.
A feeling of loneliness
Maintaining multiple superficial connections may be easier for someone who struggles to connect with others and lacks healthy relationships. Thus, breadcrumbing may turn into a strategy for living up to social needs. They do not realize that shallow relationships will not always make loneliness go away as they hope, so they drop enough crumbs to ensure they have someone to talk to (when they need it). However, this quick fix just ends up making them feel even more alone in the long run. Without real emotional connections, that empty feeling sticks around, and the loneliness keeps coming back even more.
Improving their self-worth
Breadcrumbing can be a way for someone to boost their ego. They relish your attention and validation without having to put in the effort of real love affairs. As one of breadcrumbing quotes says, “When someone breadcrumbs, it’s more about inflating their own self-worth than genuinely caring about yours.” When the self-esteem of a breadcrumber appears on a significant level, they don’t see any reason for further communication. Then they just fade away.
Having a backup plan
Breadcrumbing can be a way to keep multiple options available when it comes to choosing a potential partner. Those who are engaged in this process of ghosting might not be ready to settle down with you, but they don’t want to completely let you go either. Your interaction serves as a backup plan if they don’t fulfill their dating goals with someone else.
Feeling of uncertainty
Some people can’t just identify their relationship objectives. First off, they fool themselves, and then they blow the smoke in the face of their admirers. One day breadcrumbers want to give you the whole world, while another day they just disappear and ignore messages in their inbox. This is mostly because they are afraid of their true feelings and can’t determine who they are and what they actually want from life and romantic affairs.
Texting for fun
You know, some people who are engaged in breadcrumbing are already committed to someone else. Nevertheless, they still want to experience this feeling of freedom and even the experience of cheating their partners. This is a so-called light version of infidelity. Breadcrumbers may register on a dating website or social media and find an attractive person. They may exchange flirty phrases and even photos. But it doesn’t mean that they are going to bring these relationships to the next notch. It is just a funny way to spice up their everyday routine. No hope for real romance.
How to Respond to Breadcrumbing?
Knowing how to respond to breadcrumbing may help you avoid disappointment and confusion during your flirty interaction, which leads to nothing. Here are certain techniques that will allow you to easily deal with the negative consequences of breadcrumbing.
Show that you understand what is going on
When a person texts you, disappears, and then texts you again, you should demonstrate that you understand what is going on and put a stop. Here is what you can write:
“When I do not hear from you for a few days, it makes me sad, especially since I know you have been reading my messages. Although I understand that life can be complicated, I am looking for someone who can communicate with me regularly and let me know when issues arise.”
Start chatting about relationship goals
Diverse goals drive people’s desires in relationships. These needs might change over time, particularly when you take into account all of the difficulties that come with a dating routine.
Perhaps they had plans to get serious when you first met, but things have not worked out and they do not know how to bring it up now. Reminding someone what you are looking for and checking in never hurts. Text your potential partner something like this:
“It seems like we currently have different goals for our relationship. Building a solid connection is what I would like to focus on. How about you?”
Schedule your date
While you used to receive messages that were unclear about your future plans together, try to change the direction of your conversation and specify the date and time of your meeting. After reading “We should definitely meet as soon as possible,” write, “Yes, we should. How about a city break on Friday evening?”
Giving exact times could lead to a real meeting if your potential partner isn’t just trying to breadcrumb you. If they are not serious about meeting, they will probably back out of setting a time or call off the meeting right before.
Demonstrate your own needs
While being flexible brings numerous positives to relationships, it doesn’t usually work with breadcrumbers. Insist on the relationship goals you want to achieve. If those who are engaged in breadcrumbing see that you are too determined about relationship goals, they usually fade away. This means that you won’t waste your time in a relationship without a future. Make it clear that you aren’t going to wait around until your potential partner makes the first move. You are going to make those moves right here and right now. Your final message may sound like this:
“As far as I can understand, we are on different pages with you. I am looking for someone seriously inclined. Unfortunately, it isn’t you.”
The Bottom Line
A tricky game known as “breadcrumbing” is when someone gives you just enough to keep you interested but never enough to develop a meaningful love affair. Although it can be annoying, you can approach the dating scene with confidence if you can read the signs of breadcrumbing and know how to react. You deserve more than crumbs, so do not be scared to turn away and find someone else to start your love story with a blank canvas. Don’t fall into the trap of breadcrumbers and have enough courage to stop that interaction, which, most likely, will lead to nothing in the long run.
Maria is a writer who specializes in couples counseling and encourages people to become more intimate with one another. If you come across informative articles with personal viewpoints or research-based pieces that highlight the stages of creating healthy relationships, these pieces are probably written by Maria. The author emphasizes the importance of self-growth before seeking a romantic partner.
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