Breakups are always associated with stress, whether you are ending a serious relationship or a short-term connection. At this very moment, you can experience many different emotions such as grief, sadness, anger, relief, etc. Some people say that breakups can literally be compared to death. You have been living with a person and shared good and bad days, built plans, and spent all your time. It is not surprising that you may feel incomplete when this person walks out of your life. Experts say that this is a hard part of breakup – you think about your ex, miss her, and get back to the days when you used to be together. However, there is even the hardest part of this journey – stop communicating with your partner. This is where the no contact rule steps in, and may become a bridge between your past and new life.
What is the No Contact Rule?
No contact meaning explains everything at once. You are supposed to stop any type of communication with your ex if you want to follow this rule. You can’t phone, meet, or text. Social media interaction is also excluded. You shouldn’t like the posts, or watch her stories. Aside from direct connections, you are not recommended to discuss your ex with your friend or other people to get some information about her.
Of course, you will keep thinking about your love from time to time, but cutting off all communication may help you a lot. No exception if you want a no contact rule after the breakup to reduce stress and attachment to your ex. Still, you can’t avoid communication 100% if you have kids or you work in the same place. Establishing your boundaries may be your lifebelt. Say what is OK for you, and what is not. Then, minimal contact will not bring you much discomfort.
What is more, no contact rule doesn’t work the same for women and men. There are some differences you should know.
No contact rule male psychology
When deciding to follow no contact rule, men feel relief and indifference. They easily engage in new activities, dating, and pretend they do not care at all. Later, the guys notice the absence of the woman, and end with regrets. That’s why men start acting as they are afraid to lose the lady forever.
No contact rule female psychology
Unlike men, women go through a breakup more deeply. They try to analyze the situation and understand the circumstances. Girls constantly seek support from friends or family to cope with emotions and negative feelings. Afterward, they go to the next stage – healing and self-caring. Ladies start visiting new classes, engaging in social activities, and the therapy. They become more confident and feel indifferent about the ex relationship and partner.
No Contact After Breakup: Important Tips
First, you may think that stopping communicating with your ex will be simple. Then, day by day, you start to realize that things do not work as you have expected before. This wound inside you starts aching, and you’re back to your past again and again. You may even think that reaching out to the person and talking to her may help somehow. Still, it is the biggest delusion you risk dealing with. Here are a few nice tips that may help you go through this period:
Find new hobbies
Let’s say you have been dreaming of attending art classes or chess club, but you didn’t have free time before. Now you can realize all your dreams at last. Think about your passions and desires. What do you want right at the moment? Once you realize your desires, start actin,g as it is high time to invest in yourself. It is related to all spheres of your life — physical, emotional, etc. Besides realizing your dreams, and gaining new skills, you have a chance to replace emptiness with new acquaintances. Undoubtedly, diving into new or old hobbies can connect you with interesting people, and bring some joy and happiness into your life.
Meet your friends
It is a good way to cope with emptiness inside after a breakup. Meeting friends and your closest people will help you distract from negative emotions and sad thoughts. You can discuss everything that disturbs you. Sharing your feelings will let you feel better. Specialists are sure that friendly communication is a nice way to deal with stress, find a balance, and feel joy again. For example, you can attend a concert with your friend and have a tasty dinner afterward. New positive emotions, and pleasant talks are what you need to reduce tension connected with a no contact rule. In case you do not want to discuss this difficult period with your friends and relatives, just beg them not to ask you any questions related to your breakup. All in all, meeting your dearest people is a good idea to fill the empty place in your life.
Reduce phone using
We are used to taking our smartphones everywhere: from the kitchen when eating to the bedroom when changing clothes. We are using them when looking for something, or feeling bored. At the same time, it is just another way to reach your ex. That’s why, you’d better reduce phone use. At first, you will always feel strange and probably look for your smartphone. It is important to keep it out of your reach. Just stop yourself each time you want to scroll it through. Soon, you will see how much time you can save and spend it on other nice things rather than wasting it on checking social media or looking at photos reminding you of past relationships.
Start a personal diary
Do you feel bored? Do you miss your ex-partner? Can’t cope with all those strange and confusing emotions inside? I understand how difficult following a no contact rule may be. In another situation, you will call or message your partner to discuss your feelings. That is the reason to follow a no contact rule. You stop disturbing another person and can focus on yourself to understand what is going on. A diary may help you process your feelings. Just start a journal and write down all your thoughts and ideas. Soon, you will feel tremendous relief.
Discover new places
What about going on a trip? Is there a place you have been dreaming to visit? Packing a suitcase, purchasing tickets, and deciding other related details will greatly distract you from a breakup. New emotions, acquaintances, and unforgettable experiences will replace sadness and grief, especially if you follow no-contact rule. Invite a friend or join a group of unknown people to explore new places. Remember that you can’t share any photos with your ex, so just save them to your gallery, or send them to your friends or relatives. Avoid posting pictures on social media accounts just to attract the attention of your ex-partner. Live your life, without thinking about your special one as you decide to move further separately. Look for local alternatives. In case you don’t want or just can’t settle for a dream trip due to some circumstances. Undoubtedly, there are many places to visit in your area: concerts, theaters, exhibitions, museums, and other spots can be your discovery. The world is your oyster, so don’t miss any opportunity to go where you want and do what you want.
Consider professional therapy
If nothing helps and you have no idea what to do to go through this period bravely, then consider professional therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask for assistance if you see that you can’t cope with all emotions on your own. It is also okay to change specialists or try different techniques until you find what works exactly for you. The main idea here is to understand why it is so difficult for you to follow no contact rule and why you need to get in touch with your ex. Going deeper into the issue means you will find answers for such questions as:
- What will I get in case I decide to rebuild relationships?
- Do I want it for sure?
In the long run, you may understand that going back to the past relationship is useless, and overall, a bad idea. You can see why it is difficult to overcome temptation. And even if you did it, I mean phoned or interacted with your ex again, it is not the end of the world, and you can go to a no-contact rule again. After all, it is you who decides what to do, and it is you who is going to take the responsibility for all your actions.
How Long is the No Contact Rule?
The duration of no contact rule varies from a couple to a couple. You might have heard about the 30-day no contact rule while others need more time. Hence, on average it is possible to say that no contact rule lasts from 30 to 90 days:
- 30 days: it is a standard period that most couples need to process their emotions, analyze the situation, and make new plans. People admit that it is enough time to understand their own needs and return to a normal life.
- 45-60 days: you will need more time in case your breakup was painful, stressful, and involved toxic behavior. If you are wondering why no contact works, then you need more time to recover and see something positive at last.
- 60-90 days: if you have suffered from an abusive, unhealthy, and toxic relationship, then get ready for 60-90 days of no contact to show first positive changes.
Sometimes it is better to follow the no contact rule for the rest of your life. If your relationship and breakup were just a nightmare, and you feel discomfort when talking with your ex-partner, then no contact should be permanent.
What are 5 Signs the No Contact Rule is Working?
Does no contact work? Yes, it definitely works, and you can understand it by the following 5 signs:
- You get a clarity about your relationship. You are free of illusions and look at everything more objectively. You see what worked and what didn’t work. You recognized all reasons and consequences.
- You can control your emotions. You do not think about your partner much. You have a nice mood, and feel happier.
- Your ex reaches you again and again. Your ex-partner tries to talk with you, and asks mutual friends about your life.
- You don’t need to get in touch with your ex. You stopped checking social media accounts of your ex-partner, and do not want to chat or talk with the person anymore.
- You start enjoying your life again. You engage in new activities, and explore new hobbies. You feel happy to meet new people and your self-worth gets better.
Is the No Contact Rule Effective? — Summing – up
No contact rule is very effective, and can help you heal after a past relationship. Of course, everything depends on your goals, but in general, following no contact rule allows:
- Inspires for personal growth and self-development
- Gives time to get back to normal
- Reduces and finally breaks emotional dependency on ex-partner
- Allows to reflect on relationships and analyze them calmly
Can no contact reset a relationship? Yes, no contact gives you a chance to reconnect with your beloved from a definite point of view and get another opportunity to build a connection you are both dreaming of.
If you are in no contact now, you should focus on yourself, your goals, personal growth, and confidence. In case your woman is back, you both can start a new page of healthy and happy relationships. If not, then hundreds of other lovely girls will be attracted to you and dream of dating you for sure. For example, there are nice women on Victoriyaclub who are ready to chat right now. Don’t miss your chance to be loved and happy!
Maria is a writer who specializes in couples counseling and encourages people to become more intimate with one another. If you come across informative articles with personal viewpoints or research-based pieces that highlight the stages of creating healthy relationships, these pieces are probably written by Maria. The author emphasizes the importance of self-growth before seeking a romantic partner.
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